I was originally intending for this blog to be about the race that I ran this past weekend, but decided at the last minute to make it about something different. Don't worry though--I will soon fill you in on all of my running pursuits.
Have you ever had someone pose you a question that changed your life? What I mean by that is: the question causes you to think about or consider something you had never contemplated before, or it causes you to see something from a totally different perspective or in a totally new light. These questions often come unexpectedly and catch you off guard. And your life is never the same again.
This happened to me when I was about 13. I can't remember where I was or what I was doing, but I do remember that I was with my father, and we were having a somewhat rare conversation for us. Rare because it was deep, rather than a superficial conversation about sports or school activities. It was just the two of us, and after chit-chatting for a bit he looked me in the eye and asked me: "What are you passionate about?"
Huh. What was I passionate about? I had never considered it before. My father went on to explain that his passion from youth had been baseball. He loved the game, and had followed all of the great players back from the 50s and 60s. Although he had never been a star varsity player, he had played all during high school as sort of a 2nd or 3rd string athlete. He went on to college for a bit, where he started writing sports articles for the school newspaper (I believe he was at Boise State). Eventually his articles got noticed by
Sports Illustrated, which offered him a position as a writer. He thought about it for a while, but turned it down due to a number factors, the most prominent being his decision to finally serve as an LDS missionary at age 21. Even though he didn't get back into writing after his two years of service, his love of the sport continued on, eventually leading him to coach several years of little league baseball teams that I had played on in my youth.
Basically, pursuing his passion had led to a life full of rich experiences. No, he didn't end up in the major leagues, but his life was blessed and enriched. And here he was, asking me what I was passionate about. Unfortunately, I didn't have a clue.
Sure, I had friends that I enjoyed hanging out with. I liked (not loved) playing sports, video games were a staple of my daily routine, and I was in the school jazz band playing trumpet. But I wasn't really obsessed about any of those things. I just sort of went with the flow and had fun in the moment. I got excellent grades at school, and I had a small group of close friends. I had never bothered to consider that I needed something more. Yet here I was, confronted with the question. And it kind of bothered me that I didn't have an answer.
It took me another year or so to finally figure out my answer. As a new high school freshman and marching band member, I had to practice in the school band room during first period every day. Our band was pretty lousy, and none of us took the experience very seriously, despite a number of talented musicians. It didn't help that our teacher was suffering from
lupus, and was absent almost 2 days every week. With so much downtime, we naturally turned to entertaining ourselves in ways unrelated to marching band music. One member of the drumline, a sophomore, would pull out the school's electric guitar from a small practice room in the back and jam along to a small crowd. He mainly played the latest grunge and punk hits from the mid-90s radio, and did a pretty good job.
I became mesmerized with the guitar. It was just so cool, and music suddenly seemed so much more alive for me. The trumpet had been the instrument I played to hang out with friends and be in the band; the guitar was the instrument I wanted to express my soul with. I went home and found my mother's old acoustic guitar, and leared all of the basic open-ended chords. I would strum for hours, blistering my fingers in the process. Eventually my tips got tough and leathery, and it no longer hurt to play for longer than 5 minutes. I spent hours listening to all of the rock songs on the
local radio, analyzing the solos and chord progressions with an eager ear. I bought a book of guitar music for the Green Day
Dookie album, and quickly learned all of the songs. In retrospect, it was a good choice because of its simplicity and rhythmical strumming. Soon after, I started writing my own songs. Many of them dealt with silly teenage topics like angst or moodiness, with the occasional goofball topic thrown in. (I once wrote a song about the cereal Trix. The chorus went: Trix are for rabbits and not for kids/I love the fruity flavors, I eat them all the time.)
I wasn't just content to write my own songs in my bedroom. I wanted to be in an actual rock band. So I saved up my money and bought a cheap
Samick electric guitar and tiny
Peavey amplifier (complete with grungy distortion effects). One of my closest friends bought a bass guitar and amp, and we were on our way to being rock gods. We searched high and low for a good drummer, but our school only had about 3, and they were already members of other bands. My garage band pursuits eventually brought me to another friend, Paul, who was also getting pretty good on guitar. Jam sessions were held in garages on almost a daily basis, and we had a lot of fun. Eventually I upgraded both my guitar and amplifier, settling on a bright red
Peavey Vandenberg guitar that I still own (that model is quite a beast for the modest price, originally designed and used by a
former guitarist of 80s metal band Whitesnake).
Our humble garage band settled on the name of "Graveyard For Lunatics," but we never went anywhere. We only played one house party, during a brief one month period when we had a drummer (who was like 10 years older than us and kind of a moron/flake). By senior year, we had gone on somewhat of a hiatus, opting to jointly purchase a used drumset and take up the drum duties ourselves. Apparently I was the best/most enthusiastic about drumming, and so we decided to write some new material that had sort of a
System of a Down-but-not-nearly-as-good sound. Our only two songs were called: Fight to the Death, and You Are Fat. We also did a cover of
Feel the Pain by
Dinosaur Jr. We played one show during lunchtime at our high school, which evoked too much of a disturbance and led to the administration outlawing all future lunchtime concerts by student rock bands. (Cool! Ruined it for future generations!)
I left for
BYU in fall of '98, where I was optimistic that I would find a group of musicians with which to make a fresh start. A few weeks into the semester, I was hanging out in the lobby of Budge Hall (where I lived) and down came this guy with a bass guitar who started jamming with some other guys on acoustic guitar. I sat in my chair, watching from a distance, trying to get a feel for how much talent was there. After several minutes, another guy came along and said that he had a drumset and wanted to jam too. It turned out that the drumset was electric, which was great for volume control. He brought that down, and a nice jam session started to emerge. Finally, when convinced that these guys were definitely at my level, I grabbed my electric guitar and joined in.
And thus
The Kung-Fu Suckas/
My Own Best Friend was born. We started as a trio for that semester, jamming in the basement of Budge Hall on a weekly basis and writing some new material. I sang and played guitar, Chris was on the bass, and Greg was on drums. We played a few shows, did some covers of Weezer and Blink 182 songs, and had lots of fun. Mark was brought on to play rhythm guitar during Winter semester, which turned out to be a very good move, as he made up for his initial lack of technical skill with an exceptional feel for the music and style. And he got a lot better really quickly. There were more shows that semester, a paid gig opening for the hottest ska band in Utah at the time, and a 2nd place showing in an annual freshman Battle of the Bands contest.
We each left on 2 year LDS missions, and the band reformed when we all got back to school. I had written several new songs, and our style took a more serious turn away from the light-hearted songs we had performed as freshman. More cover songs were added to our repertoire as well, notably My Own Worst Enemy by
Lit and
Bulls on Parade by
Rage Against the Machine. We competed in the annual BYU Battle of the Bands in back-to-back years, coming in 3rd place in our first showing. We recorded our
own album in 2002 (technically our 2nd, but the 1st didn't count), and played a variety of lesser campus gigs and apartment lobby parties. Eventually things ran their course, as marriages and graduations gained higher priority. Chris left for NY in late '03, and Andrew was brought in to replace him the next year on bass. Our final show was in January of '04, when we played a short set during and after a men's volleyball match in the Smith Fieldhouse at BYU.
My guitar playing kind of tapered off after that point. Without a band to back me up, I had no goal to spur me on. I occasionally played an acoustic song or two at talent shows and parties, and more rarely for significant others. The last time I performed was during a house show sometime in spring of '08, and that was on a last minute whim. Now I'm lucky if I pull my guitar out once a month to play. It's not that the love is gone, but that other pursuits have taken precedence. For quite a while I was really focused on weightlifting, and lately distance running has emerged as my hobby of choice.
But I would consider the guitar/rock music to be the things I have been the most passionate about in life. I learned that having a passion and working towards it, however unsuccessful the endeavor may be, gives you a sense of purpose and satisfaction with life. You test your limits and figure out what makes you tick. You gain confidence from having a talent that you are really good at, especially knowing that it was countless hours of practice and effort that helped to hone that talent. And being good at one thing inspires you to become good at other things. If I can become an excellent guitar player, what stops me from learning how to be an excellent chef, or athlete, or even lawyer (fingers crossed). I learned that discovering the passion within is what helps us drive forward in life and achieve greatness.
Thanks, Dad, for suggesting that I should figure out my passion(s) in life. My life has truly been blessed, through the talents, friendships, and experiences that have resulted. And it all came from one thought provoking question at the right moment.